I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
