ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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