I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
