I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
