i just had sex bonerless
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
