I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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