I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
