I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
