"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
