I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I supernannyed him into submission
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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