A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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