I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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