Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
