I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
