You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
