the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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