My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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