my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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