I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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