nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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