I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
