Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
