who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
