What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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