Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
