so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
