remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
