I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
