HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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