Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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