the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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