if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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