Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I stole a fireplace last night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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