yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
