He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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