I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
