What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
