you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
is wine microwaveable?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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