Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
