Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
