And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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