Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Drake has all the answers
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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