I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
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