I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
