I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
