What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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