How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
