In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
false alarm, still single
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
