Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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