I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
