Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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