I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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