hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
