He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
