I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
