apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
