You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
