i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
