he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
