Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
