my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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