I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
