I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
