don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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