omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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