Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
