Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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