That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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