So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
