I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
