She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
