i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
