Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
