u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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