Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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