Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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