hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
