i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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