his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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