I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
third nipple confirmed
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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