I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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