I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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